


Nothing

by kilala2tail



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, Gen, Introspection, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-12 21:12:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9090997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kilala2tail/pseuds/kilala2tail
Summary: “Well… They say people who die on an operation table and are brought back claim it feels like ‘nothing,’ right? But how does nothing feel?”





	

“Do you ever think about how it might feel to die?” Brown eyes didn’t leave their book.

“…What…?” Dark grey eyes flashed up from the program they were reading, curiosity and concern warring.

“Do you ever stop to think how that would feel, when your world just… Stops. When everything ends, and you’re essentially nothing more. When your body stops working, when your mind shuts off permanently, when you don’t have to worry about emotions or pain. When expectations or responsibilities are nothing more than a memory in the minds of others.” The words are calm, causal. Like this is just a topic of the weather.

“No… I can’t say I have. Have you… Thought of this much?” Worry slips in, despite how carefully he tries to stay neutral.

“Oh, it’s nothing much.  I don’t _want_ to die. I think… That is probably a completely different feeling, to want to actively leave this world. I’ve just found a true reason to live, skating aside. I’m just starting to understand the real meaning of love and happiness, in such a different form than what I always known.”

“I’m not sure if I should be proud or concerned about that statement, to be perfectly honest.” A frown, as if the owner was offended.

“I would go with proud. I know I’ve always had my family, my rink, you. You know perfectly well how that was meant. But back to the topic on hand. The feeling of death itself though, now that’s an interesting concept. Right? After all, what is mortality in the grand scheme of things? If all things living must experience death, don’t you ever wonder what it must be like?”

“I… Suppose I don’t fully understand, Yuuri. How do you mean?” He finally set his papers aside, turning to peer closely at his friend.

“Well… They say people who die on an operation table and are brought back claim it feels like ‘nothing,’ right? But how does nothing feel?” Brown eyes moved from the book on his lap to stare out the window instead, taking in the street below while allowing the question to sink in.

“Nothing… I can’t imagine it feels good. No cold, but no warmth. No pain, but no comfort. No sadness, but no happiness," came the reply after a few minutes of silence.

“Sensory deprivation tanks are popular. I feel like that counts for something.”

“That’s not the same, though, is it? That would count for the physical aspects, but the mental? The emotional? They can trick the body into being unfeeling, but the heart? Can they make the mind uncaring and cold?”

“I think _that’s_ called depression.”

“….Probably.”

 “…Do you think it’s possible to die while still alive?”

“Do _you_ think it’s possible to come back from the dead?”

“I _think_ this conversation is about to spiral into something odd.”

“In my defense, you gave me no warning to mentally prepare this time.” 

“That’s true. It was rather unfair to just throw that on you. It’s been a while, sorry.”

“You know I don’t mind, just need a little more time to get a feel for your mood next time. It’s been a while since we’ve chatted like this. I’ve missed it, believe it or not. And it sounds like ‘Victor’ and ‘deep’ don’t even make it this far. Remind me to thank him again later for the invite, by the way. Your place is super nice, and it’s not every day I get to hang out with my one and only bestest friend in the whole wide world for a whole week in the off season. How nice, having an ice rink and coach on call, hmm?”

“…Thanks for coming, Phichit.” Arms reached out, pulling the other close.

“Anytime, Yuuri. Anytime.”

**Author's Note:**

> I need to stop writing when I should be sleeping.  
> I should probably stop writing in general, honestly.  
> Well, whatever.  
> Thank you for your time, my dears.


End file.
